PM DIARIES

It was just another boring, routine lazy Sat. Boys at school, my workaholic husband at work, beavering away in a mountain of paperwork, or he may have been seeking refuge from me, but I was all alone with my floaty thoughts whisking me away to a land of neverland!

Time passed by and suddenly I saw my better half coming downstairs suited and booted! Panic, panic panic, I remembered we were supposed to go to the Duke of Bedford's Ball!

'Ready?' called the beaming smiling happy face.

Do I look ready, with my tumble dried hair, doss clothes....., I wanted to shout but was in no position to, as I had had a whole day to glam up!

'5 mins darling, just waiting for the fairy godmother' I mumbled rushing upstairs banking on the fact that he would still be flapping around when I came down!!

Couldn't zip the dress up so zipped it up first then tried to slip it on. Big mistake, it got stuck, couldn't move it up or down!! Oh I do hate magic wardrobes that shrink everything! Finally, managed it and felt like a tarmac road roller had squashed my boobs and spread them out to the waist!
And do men realise how difficult it is to apply make up in a fast car? Forget the Ball, I nearly needed an eye ball poking myself with the mascara brush!!

'Try and remember the names' said my master
I dared not tell him the names in my head 'gajjar no halwo' for the gingerhaired lady, 'divel' for the sour faced lady, 'stick insect' for the other.............

'mwah, mwah'
how are you? kids? good, do have a glass of bubbly....................small talk, all I needed to do was concentrate on the names!!

Seated next to me on this very elaborately laid dinner table was someone with a huge rotund belly, that looked like it housed triplets permanently! His wife was the stick insect with long long legs and a shrill voice.

'and what do you do? asked the toff looking around at everyone but me.
I rattled on about all I do, working all hours, writing, charities, writing, murder, I droned on knowing he was not in the slightest bit interested in what I had to say.
'good' said the only talking to you because you happen to be seated next to me voice 'writing anything interesting?'
'ummm, could say that, the PM diaries'

'PM diaries?' shrilled the attachment.
Pin drop silence, all eyes on me, my better half glaring, wondering what I had said now!!
'Tell us more!'

Whoa, I was in my element! They were interested in my work! I could just see me walk along the red carpet, people screaming for my autograph, movie deals, move over Meera Syal, Bridgett Jones, here I come!! A voice piped up over and over interrupting my Technicolor vision.

'Come on, don't be coy, tell us, what is Sam like, how do you know her?'

Sam, who the hell was Sam- wish I had paid more attention to the names, come on brain peas, time to pop out of the pods and remind me, who is Sam?

'Come on, at least give us some details............what are they like? ........I'd love to be the fly on the wall...........you are a dark horse.............

The brain peas finally comprehended what the fuss was about!!

The futuristic visions of the red carpet turned to paparazzi hunting me down, wanting to know who the novice was with access to Downing Street!

My face just froze, didn't need to have botox, the fixed dolls smile remained glued to my jaw, whilst my head jostled to strangle the voice box threatening to scream,
PM diaries!! I meant PRITY MODI diaries!!

I hate silent accusing journeys back home. As I always say, IT WAS NOT MY FAULT!!